HUMP DAY GRAB BAG: Alternative Alternatives

August 25, 2010

By Max

NOT TO BE A HUGE JERK, but there’s This Pop Singer Who Is Really Famous Right Now and kind of bumming me out. I don’t want to shit-talk cause it’s a total waste of time, but it’s gotten to the point in my life where when people mention how much they love this singer, I feel deep pangs of personal guilt, because it means that the person I’m talking to and I are fundamentally disagreeing on some things. It’s like how in the early 00s (‘member?) sometimes you’d be at a soccer game or the supermarket or a PTA meeting and someone would say nonchalantly that they had voted for Bush, and it would just send up a red flag? It feels like that.

The thing that bugs me about This Pop Singer Who Is Really Famous Right Now is that she purports to be something of a Performance Artist. Now, I’m not going to say that Pop Music and Performance Art are mutually exclusive, but I will say that the kind of Pop Music this singer is making is absolutely antithetical to the goals of performance art. According not only to my, but in fact anybody’s definition of performance art. Performance Art necessarily means something that is expressed / transmitted via (you guessed it!) PERFORMANCE. This Singer’s work is almost always mediated through studio magick, the radio, MTV, YouTube, Fashion Photography, Twitter, etc. It’s deliberately a kind of Art that doesn’t need to be performed live, since it’s readily accessible. Just saying. So when I am getting bugged out about this I figure I can either rage against the dying of the light (incorrect use whatever) or I can offer some alternative to This Pop Singer Who Is Really Famous Right Now. So let’s do that.

So, first: ROISIN MURPHY.

Maybe you already know about her. The thing with This Pop Singer Who Is Really Famous Right Now is that she often claims that the biggest misconception about her is that she’s fake, that she’s artificial, and she wants you to know that she is Always Glamorous, Always In Drag, and very Real. OK I’ll bite: BULLSHIT. This video for the title track from Murphy’s second solo album Overpowered plays with a similar idea, in a much more interesting way (I think). The premise of the video is that Murphy’s stage persona never comes off, that she wears her ultra-bizarre high fashion outfit (Courtesy of Gareth Pugh– Murphy was wearing Pugh long before Kylie, Rihanna, Beyoncé, and the Pop Singer In Question) in cafes, on the bus, etc. as a way of juxtaposing the artificial with the real. It makes an interesting comment on the nature of celebrity culture and beauty. Oh also, this came out in 2007.

KYLIE.

HAD TO GO THERE. The thing about Kylie Minogue is that she’s world-famous everywhere except for the USA. In most of Europe, she’s more famous than Madonna. Madonna has, for those Europhiles (and American Fags) who have been keeping track, been ripping off Kylie for decades. SO while This Pop Singer Nowadays rips off Madonna, she’s actually not even citing the Minogue sources. The almost-Goth, sort of vaguely “dark” aesthetic that This Pop Singer employs was much better used, again in 2007, by Kylie in the video for “2 Hearts”. Other than the fact that this song and video are excellent, the fact that the shiny skull is a reference to Alexander McQueen, the skull itself was actually a symbol of triumph. When this video came out, it was the lead single from Kylie’s “comeback” album X. Comeback, I mean, from breast cancer. Kylie has an authentic right to glamorize the macabre because unlike the Pop Singer Nowadays, who’s whole shtick is utterly devoid of anything involving “the real world” or “obscurity”, when Kylie released this video, singing into a skull microphone, she has just beaten Death. Top that.

GRACE JONES. In your FACE BONES.

It’s no secret that I love Grace Jones. I listen her every single day and she is a totally guiding force in my life. It is with no small amount of disappointment that I continually see This Pop Singer referencing her work. Grace Jones’ eccentricity is best exemplified by the video above (total. personal. anthem.) Unlike the current Pop Singer, who equates randomness and embellishment with intellectual weight, this video shows Grace in what appears to be her natural habitat, running from Keith Haring’s studio to the wardrobe closet to the chiropractor. The message here is that even with this totally unsustainable, unreal level of glamour, she is able to look directly to the camera and sing a love song. The layers of artifice serve to create a distance which the song’s message ostensibly crosses, rather than simply mask the singer’s face. Grace wants you to know that you and her are meant to be.

ROBYN.

Look, one of the things that I don’t understand about This Pop Singer, is how she simultaneously seems to be singing about her “feelings” while denying any trace of actual human emotion. She is bloodless. Does pop music have to be this way? Not if Robyn has anything to say about it. The marriage of a human heart and a dance beat may sound strange on paper, but with Robyn it makes perfect sense.

DIAMOND RINGS

Thought it’d be nice to have a non-girl, non-superstar in the mix. Toronto’s Diamond Rings proves that you can do really cool interesting pop music without a multimillion dollar budget. Look, even Kathleen Hanna is a fan. That ought to be enough. This video is really cool and proves that really, real people can and do succeed at aspiring to glamour and art. Who needs a custom haute couture outfit? Just put a sexy kid in a Karl Lagerfeld t-shirt. Signify, baby. This is what postmodernism ACTUALLY looks like.

So whatever. These are some things you can listen to and watch instead. Check them out.

Stay dry, America. Stay motherfucking dry.

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Simply Frump Day

March 26, 2010

by Tommy

Dear New York: I’m back   -_-

This might come as a shock to most people, but San Diego is pretty damn simple compared to the Big Apple.  I’ve only been back a couple days and already my dark circles filled back in (thanks for the drum n bass, neighbors), I’ve had some hand-wringingly awkward conversation with an ex on the street, and nearly saw Wilkes punch a stumbling-drunk stranger in the jowls at 1:30 AM for walking up to us and saying, “White man… black woman…” She took off after him and all I heard was “HEY, FUCK YOU He’s not white and we’re not together…” or something to that.

Foreshadowing the crazy (STORY TIME):  A passenger on my NYC-bound plane decided to act up/shout racial slurs/be a misogynist and eventually we had to taxi back to the gate and air marshals ejected him from the flight.  Because of some malarkey he told the agents (I think he said someone was smuggling weapons or something) our near-full 140 passenger flight had to de-plane and be re-screened at the security checkpoint.  Then the plane had to be searched. If you’ve ever tried to wrangle people together for dinner or karaoke or whatever, even getting five of them to do some shit is hard. Imagine 140- some of them children, some of them old people, one of them a mumbling mess of tie-dye and space cake cos he’d taken his plane-vicodin a little early.

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Dear Michelle

May 19, 2009

By deer michelle.

Dear michelle,
What exactly is rageaholism?  I think I get angry too much about things that are inconsequential.  Like yesterday I wanted to punch someone to death because they were standing too close to me on the subway.  What do I do?  Quietly counting to ten doesn’t work.  I’m afraid I’m going to have a rage-related heart attack and die young.
Sincerely,
Angry Anna.

Dear Psycho,
I think you have some unresolved issues that are making you angry at strangers and other annoying douchebags. It’s easier to think you are angry at that lady standing too close to you than to acknowledge that you are just really upset about personal shit that you can’t control.  However, I am the same way.  People should really stand further away on the train, this isn’t fucking China.  I suggest you start drinking more.  It’ll relax you, and then you can always blame yr rage on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.

Feelin' on yr butt - what?

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4:20 Interview with Danielle May Rosa

April 3, 2009

4:20 INTERVIEW WITH DANIELLE MAY ROSA

by Max

Danielle Motherfucking Rosa is my best friend and also my room mate. She is a truck driver, sculpter, painter, performance artist and writer. She wrote my favorite pun in the world, which is “Absence makes the heart Jane Fonda”. She recently launched a website of her visual work, at http://www.daniellerainbowrosa.com

Check out this awesome playlist she made to share with you, as well

4:20 INTERVIEW WITH DANIELLE MAY ROSA

Me: Ok let’s do an interview. Are you ready?

Danielle: Have we begun?

Me: Yeah this is the end of the interview

Danielle: I took that away

Me: Huh? so Danielle, first question: tell me about drawing: what time of day do you usually make your pictures? Like night time or in between bites of a sandwich?

Danielle: Usually immediately after when I see inspiration

me: So all times of day and night?

Danielle: See or receive inspiration. Yes.

me: Ok I have another question: why does this give me a boner?

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