aka, me yelling at the internet.
So, sometimes when I read this site, I wanna text these people back. Here is my fake chance.
(269): Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I do not have a problem with this method at all. It’s a great way to decide if you can legitimately bone someone. But beware, because the girl you jerk off to in yr mind may not be the girl you jerk off in IRL. This has happened to me before. In my silly romance novel fantasy I get a totally capable brutish babe, and on Friday night I get whiskey dick and missing metrocards.
(631): Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy’s?
Not sad for you, but ‘sad’ for the obesity epidemic that plagues the nation. I hope you die soon so I don’t have to support yr diabetic medical bill with my national socialist health plan. It’s also sad that I’m so fucking jealous that you get to go to Wendy’s on the regular.
(703): If a guy called my cleavage “mesmerizing” but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Define kinda. Like this guy is ‘kinda’ my dad since he married my mom and fathered my younger sister? Or this dude is ‘kinda’ my cousin (by marriage!!) but I’m gonna give him an h-jay anyway? Enter at yr own risk lady friend. I say if there is a chance you’ll see him at a family reunion, or all of them, stay away.
(509): I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
Genius, I wish I had thought of this!! So many nights I’m trying to get ready in a jiffy and I don’t even think that I can kill too birds with one stone and be sexy smooth and sexy cleaned out all in time to hit the bar for jagerbombs on an empty stomach. This is like the new drinking a beer in the shower. Kudos to you party girl.
(216): make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I had a boyfriend who was into this (hey there dude, nothing is sacred) and it always made me giggle. I laugh enough in bed as it is, I can’t be asked to also do something with my bacteria coated ‘sandals on the New York subway’ feet without picturing that episode of Cathouse and fucking losing it. But good luck to you dude, I hope you find a girl who’s totes into this and makes you happy.
(317): when I’m not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, I actually really enjoy being single
This isn’t a question, but I imagine the first text to be “I wanna break up with my boyfriend, but I don’t wanna be alone.” And it’s true, being single rules sometimes. Not included in those times is getting home at 4am, eating a plate of spaghetti in yr bed while watching Hulu, wondering where your youth went, and contemplating calling yr ex even though you fucking hate him but he looks good on paper. I’m not there yet, I’m not there yet…
(+44): why do I have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
How psychic smart of you to drunkenly save someone in yr phone as the nickname you would’ve given them after your future first date!
(859): Just passed a sign for an “adult food and fuel superstore”. WTF does that even mean?
There’s a place like this off the highway in between Orlando and Gainesville, Florida. It’s called Café Risqué. It’s basically a truck stop with showers, topless dancers, and viewing booths. I mean if you’ve been stuck in a truck cab all day cracked out on speed, wouldn’t it be a fucking beautiful oasis to have a place to get gas, eat food, take a shit, have a shower, and see some titties? These places are fucking genius, god bless America.