I Want You, Therefore I Hump You: Hump Day Grab Bag- aka I love the BACHELOR or why I hate long dresses

January 6, 2010

By Laurenesss
(or The Goat, or Who is Syvia?)

Yesterday, my favorite reality tv show The Bachelor made its long awaited return (it has been 3 months since the last season ended). This train wreck of a show has everything that I need and more.


Polyamory is for everyone!


This chick (Shane Lamas, daughter of actor Lorenzo Lamas) was supposed to get married. Yeah, it didn’t last. She's most recently been arrested on DUI charges. Click on the pic to read more.


Kinda looks like a Grace Coddington original...NOT!

Read the rest of this entry »


Anatomically Correct with Laureness-CLOACal Musings

October 8, 2009

Don't stand underneath me! I splat!

Don't stand underneath me! I splat!

I figured since my first entry on the Birdsong blog was technically about nature (Isabella Rossellini’s “Green Porno”) that for my comeback post (yes guys, it’s been awhile) I should return to my roots. This blog after all is inspired by birds (in a way), mostly their songs, so why shouldn’t we learn more about them? AND what better place to start then the glorious multi-purpose orifice indigenous to our avian friends,the CLOACA!

Talk about multi-tasking, the cloaca is a multi-purpose opening in birds, amphibians, reptiles-certain marsupials and mammals. That’s three-in-one!

A few facts about CLOACA:

-The word, which is Latin in origin, means sewer

-Birds poop, pee, and reproduce through this opening

-Bird aficionados refer to the cloaca as the vent, a verb meaning “to defecate.”

Next time you proclaim, “I’m venting” or “I need to vent” think twice, especially if you’re present at your local Audubon Society Chapter meeting.

If you’re planning on visiting Rome, don’t forgot to see the Cloaca Maxima, one of the largest sewers ever created.

Cloaca Maxima

Cloaca Maxima

Remember the Teletubbies?

July 22, 2009

By Laureness

Remember the song “Shake That Ass?”

Put them together and

That’s all my friends.

Normally I have sympathy for stroke victims…

June 24, 2009

You Light up my Life

You Light up my Life

by Laurenesss

but not this time. 71 year-old Oscar winning singer-songwriter Joseph Brooks has been accused of raping at least 11 women, luring wannabee actresses with the promise of fame to his apartment via Craigslist. Not only is he 71 years old and still raping people, he recently suffered a stroke as well.
What did he win an Oscar for you ask? He wrote this little ditty for the movie of the same name:. This is what I’d light up for him if I ever had the chance:

and then I'd run as far away as possible.

and then I'd run as far away as possible.

Tights Are NOT PANTS!

June 18, 2009

Bad Idea

Bad Idea

By Laurenesss

My boyfriend hates tights and leggings as pants. Lately, whenever we wander the streets of NYC together, he has taken to hollering “tights aren’t pants” loudly and clearly in the direction of the offender. I love leggings and tights, but would never commit the sin of exposing my bare legginged ass to all of world. I wear a dress or a skirt over them buns and I think everyone else should do the same.*

Unfortunately, the backlash against Lindsay Lohan legging idolizers has not yet begun and American Apparel continues to create leggings in every style, color, and material including assless tights! This crime is committed mostly by NYU and FIT undergrads. The trend exhibited by our NYU brethren can obviously be attributed to these famous dropouts: Read the rest of this entry »

Shiver me Gingers!

June 3, 2009

By Laurenesss
jessica-rabbit-1My little sister is a ginger. Not one of those super freckly, ridiculously pale ones, but a true redhead none-the-less. In honor of Littlesss and Prince Harry’s official visit to NYC this past weekend I’ve decided to post a gallery of redheads. What is it about a ginger that makes them so irresistible? Maybe it’s their vulnerability. It has been scientifically proven that redheads are more sensitive to pain than the rest of us. I’d like to think that it’s pure fascination of the firecrotch. After all, the burning bush is were G-d told Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt in Exodus and it is never consumed by the flames. There’s nothing like a bit of good ‘ol biblical allegory to inspire a cult following. THE-BURNING-BUSH And so, without further ado, I present to you the Gallery of Ginger: Read the rest of this entry »

Let’s go for a Walk: Cyrillic, Supper Clubs, and Seaquariums in Brighton Beach.

May 26, 2009

By Laurenesss

Maybe it’s because I can’t resist a man in a muscle tee or because a dinner of beer, borscht, and blintzes seemed utterly irresistible, but I finally woke my lazy ass up on Saturday, hopped on the Q train and got off at the Brighton Beach stop. I didn’t have a plan (I never have a plan).
Read the rest of this entry »