Hump Day DANG Bag: Going Home is Never Easy

we’re blogging pantless

like NFL’s Chris Cooley:

what the fuck was he thinking?

by the way, this is my assistant

We must get high first.zzzz0000000o000O0000OOOm zoom

That’s better.


*dont even get me started on how much porn comes up for an image search on "psychotherapist"

I had a brilliant (overstatement) therapist who I like to call Que Fea (I say had because apparently full time social workers aren’t entitled adequate health insurance plans that provide them with their own mental health care! LOVE U and UR VALUES AMERICA!) One Tuesday before my usual exit line of “C  U Next Tuesday [QUE FEA]”  I was crying into a hanky about an impending trip home to visit the parents and she looked at me and she said: “Going home is never easy.”   Damn Que Fea, truer words have never been spoken.

These thoughts, and more, come with me on my trip to Sunny Florida to see my children parents.

the boner of america

Let’s just say my vacation looked a little like this:

and a little like this:

Good Things about Going Home:

1. Visiting with Dollies

2. Late Night TV

3. Hanukkah Presents:

a cozy slash "sexy" nightgown from Mom?

4. Eating Bricks of Brie Unapologetically

BAD THINGS ABOUT GOING HOME

i know... it's a cat. right?

1. FAMILY JUDGEMENT

Que Fea told me once, in what may have been her most shining moment: “You are a rorschach- for each and every person that looks at you…Through their own eyes, on you they see their anxieties and wishes.”

.

2. Parents Getting Crazier vs. Me Getting Smarter

yup.

Dad – Is… Making Bracelets! nope, not sellin em. just makin em. out of hemp. on his couch. while he watches TV.  No, he’s not in rehab. Probably should be…

Mom – Wakes me up, angry, in the middle of the night, with a conspiracy theory that my Brother left the house to BUY DRUGS! ‘Yeaaa, if drugs start with a B and rhyme with GLOWJOB.

Sidenote#peopleyoubabysatselldrugsnow.com

WHEN DO HIPPIE SOULS DIE? WHERE DID THEY GO, MA? WHEN DID THEY RETIRE?

going home is never easy. and yet, it could always be worse…

FIRE IN THE HOLE – jesspaps

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8 Responses to Hump Day DANG Bag: Going Home is Never Easy

  1. Tommy says:

    This is the most perfect thing I have ever read in my life I wanted it to go on forever

  2. Tommy says:

    ps is the dude in the last video young Randy Quaid?

  3. Tommy says:

    wow this video goes on for 8 more minutes

  4. Tommy says:

    now I know the answer to my “what if Bob Ross was a stoner” question

  5. Tommy says:

    omg he’s singing Donna Summer

  6. Tommy says:

    aaaaand I can’t believe I watched the whole thing. Love it when a musician introduces the band and when a stoner’s credit roll lists the names of all the pipes.

  7. Lauren says:

    GET’S YOU BY THE BOO-BOO! the fireworks at the 5:00 mark = exactly.

    this post is perfect.

  8. maxsteele says:

    Yo this is post is perfect for a number of reasons but MY FAVORITE reason is that Que Fea sounds like a halfway genius therapist and b/c Paps you and I are born on the same day I am extrapolating that our psyche’s are more or less the same and taking Que Fea’s advice, so it’s like FREE THERAPY. Sweet.

    Also not to undermine but going to yr parents’ house sounds pretty sweet.

    Also not to be weird but I wish this post had more pictures of your brother. Total BILF.

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