Random, Angry and Absurd: The Best of Craigslist’s Rants and Raves

Hunted and Gathered by Jess Paps

Latest Face Transplant Revealed!

Reply to: pers-rjnqk-1157485624@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-06, 1:11PM EDT

Unfortunately, it was a total failure.


women weight age

Reply to: pers-snbts-1157787860@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-06, 3:52PM EDT

you can have high numbers in one or the other
if a woman is over 150 lbs, she should be under 25 years
if she is over 25 years, she should be less than 150lbs

hmmmn. idontgetit

No need 2 control it – it’s totally automatic (The Bathroom)

Reply to: pers-dxwm4-1157720524@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-06, 3:26PM EDT

The only problem I have with automatic flush toilets is that they seem to think they can dictate when I’m done using the bathroom.
I think I’m old enough to know when the close of business has occurred.

grandparents for craigslist

pic’s of ‘Porsche Girl’ ~ headless whore

Reply to: pers-mkvnc-1157626441@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-06, 2:49PM EDT

i’ve just read the story about ‘Porsche Girl’ whose parents want us all to
remember her (as if she’s WORTH ‘remembering!?) as the sweet, little miss
muffet, high schooler that they want to sell you. well, guess what?


in my own town, across the river from Gotham, there was a very similar case
not more than three monts ago. in that one two little bitches were stone cold
drunk and also doing drugs when they crashed a new Honda into a very cold
and very stoney old RR trestle abutment at high speed in the ‘wee hours’. of
course their parents also wanted to ‘spin’ that story in such a way that i would
shed tears for the sweet little cock-sucking bimbette. NO WAY! sorry.
now for those with stomachs of iron, like mine, i suggest you go GOOGLE this:
‘nikke coutseris’ after typing in ‘nikki c’, you’ll be met with the approapriate spelling. after clicking that link you’ll be sent to a list of sites which offer the original accident scene photo’s of this whore with what’s left of her head and hair dangling (yes, it’s only dangling!) from the Porsche’s window.
gruesome? not if you’ve already watched enough horror films or played modern video games. horrible? only if you intend to go out drinking and later drive at over seventy mph as if you were a good Amish girl in a buggy.

this guy really gives me the willies

Leafblower ban in RYE (RYE)

Reply to: pers-pk5ae-1157560333@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-06, 1:51PM EDT

All the trees and shrubs are are blooming now and dropping all over my yard and car and I cant use a leaf blower to clean it up !!! I do believe its time for a new mayor and city council who show can that they have some balls and reverse this law or modify it

REALLY? A leaf blower? Really?? Rye?

In the words of Joy Behar “WHO CARES!?”

The Truth About Women (All Over)

Reply to: pers-9zx4h-1157549618@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-06, 1:44PM EDT

Most, but not all women are:
1) Stupid, uninformed, lacking even the most basic sparks of common sense.
2) Lazy…just plain don’t want to do their share of tasks (even the simple ones women are best suited for) laundry, cleaning out the dishwasher, regular cleaning of the toilet(s)
3) Irresponsible….they refuse to shoulder any responsibility whatsoever. For Example:
Me: Hey, Hon? Where did this new dent come from on your car?
Her: I dunno…no one told me about it.
Me: Hey, Hon? We’re outta coffee.
Her: Well, I didn’t know…no one told me.

Tell the truth? Perish the thought!!! No woman should ever be reduced to…ARRRGGGGHHHH…TELLING THE TRUTH!!! Most of them wouldn’t know the truth if it bit them on their misshapen, cellulite-ridden asses .

All of that just barely scratches the surface of the female species….Oh, yes, this is for you younger guys who may be so deeply in love with one of these cum-drums…Take a REALLY good look at her mother…that’s what you’ll be with in about 20 years. Kinda makes you wanna do a 100-yard-dash for a nice, safe, and clean cell on Rikers Island, doesn’t it….

They all ride around with their little cell phones surgically attached to their craniums, while completely lacking the basic intellect to multitask in any way shape or form.

I only disagree with #1 and#3

Happy Birthday! (headingforcougarville)

Reply to: pers-byfj4-1157524390@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-06, 1:30PM EDT

to me.

awwww. HAPPY BIRTHDAY headingforcougarville!

hi i have a question bout this board? (Greenwich Village)

Reply to: pers-xyfp2-1157475707@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-06, 1:08PM EDT

i just stumbled onto this rant board (i’m looking for work on the jobs site of cl and i read a few of these postings and i wonder is this some kind of therapy for the mentally impaired? i’m serious!, is this like out patient treatment?


Avoid overexposure (Krystal)

Reply to: pers-udggh-1157312583@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-06, 11:49AM EDT

to the sun.

thanks for the reminder!

My five confessions (here)

Reply to: pers-rcgdx-1156986578@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-06, 7:45AM EDT

1) When I was twelve years old, I used to masturbate with another twelve year old boy that lived across the street.
2) Soon after, we tried sex. I liked it!
3) One day, without any warning, he came in my mouth.
4) I loved it!! My stomach was full of butterflies (and his sperm, of course)!
5) We did this for two years. Then he started getting hairy, and his dick got big and ugly. So I stopped.

I don’t know about you guys, but this only seems like one confession to me… Besides, who didn’t dry hump their neighbor when they were five?!? I mean…

Re: Re:Re: Beep Beep

Reply to: pers-pgw2z-1156826494@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-06, 1:06AM EDT


Roadside memorials (Clean it up and throw everything out ) (from the grave)

Reply to: pers-mvmw3-1156630297@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-05, 9:59PM EDT

I told my family if I died in a car accident and they set one of those up I would come back and haunt them and make their lives miserable. LOL I can’t help but roll my eyes when I see those things. So Oprahesque.


Rave – Craigslist (Casual Encounters)

Reply to: pers-y85kc-1156620420@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-05, 9:52PM EDT

Thanks to Craig’s list , I lost my virginity and had sex with some amazing women. My awkward social skills would have made this feat virtually impossible, I don’t place sex on a pedestal anymore. I can’t imagine if I were still a virgin, it would be so frustrating..
Thanks Craig Newmark , your list is amazing.

Today’s panties

Reply to: pers-bxx2d-1156550051@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-05, 9:02PM EDT

are shit stained.


Reply to: pers-x3mhe-1156538917@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-05, 8:54PM EDT

haven’t gotten a phone call in weeks, possibly months. haven’t made a phone call either.

i work, that’s it. i like my work.

no social activity to speak of, just the occasional visit to my shrink or prostitutes.

not really complaining actually, just wondering why i have a cell phone in the first place.

i guess to make appointments with my shrink and prostitutes.

so sad. really. 1-800-Suicide (or 1-800-784-2433)


One Response to Random, Angry and Absurd: The Best of Craigslist’s Rants and Raves

  1. Great Blog I love the lay out and the color scheme is it pos-sible to get a copy of your theme? Please send me an email at JoanBm3@gmail.com
    Cecil Kurzyniec

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